FUCKING FOR FREEDOM x Hannah Woods

FUCKING FOR FREEDOM

Hannah Woods

I fell down a billion times

Tried to fix myself,

Tried to see the light between the lines.

Tried to find the signs.

I hate myself for being who I am

Hate myself for not being who I wanna be.

Keep on pushing my limits

And overstepping my boundaries

Stay in comfort yet not in zone,

Not in tone

Keep on punching myself in the face

My blood is dripping down

A Lake full of disapproval

Tears fuck I cried so much,

I can’t even sweat anymore.

I am empty yet so fed up.

Emotionless yet driven by hate

Keep on contradicting myself,

I am walking the wrong way,

Waiting for guidance

While I quietly disappear, into my own fear.

What about fate?

Last week I stuck my fingers

So deep down my throat

Like his dick was inside my mouth

Keep on pushing my head down

I don’t only give head, I give dignity.

I tried to throw up all the shit I’ve swallowed

When I was down

Down on my knees

Living reality backwards, instead of taking it all in,

I’m pushing it all up.

It’s not sad it’s a release

But you wouldn’t understand…

I hate being me

So I get to show myself

How it feels to be hated

How many times

I told him no, no I told him no

I don’t want this,and they all don’t believe it.

They just don’t listen.

And it’s my fault right?

It’s my fault that I misunderstood

Horror movie equals

I’ll fuck you

Because my mouth says no

But my eyes yes

So it’s not them

That cannot read

It’s me that cannot speak?

Why should I fuck for free,

If free means being someone’s property?

Why should I fuck for free,

If free means selling myself?

Just because no means yes

And yes is what they want and

They want me?

No matter what I say,

No matter if I feel or don’t

I am cheaper than a whore

I gain nothing from it

Just another Name on the list

That has no meaning to me.

I’m in pain because

I’m playing the game

I try so hard to follow the rules

That when I lose I

Lose control.

Hannah Woods moved to Amsterdam from Germany to work, write poetry, and spend time with her grandfather, poet Eddie Woods and then decided to stay and study at AMFI. Her work focuses on femininity, the power of sex and what we do with it. She shares a message of sexual empowerment and feminism with fashion and poetry as a medium. Her sweet facade masks a sardonic voice, both fresh and wise, and she regularly reads for and contributes to Rough Night Press. She has also read at Ruigoord and Zaal 100 among other places. You can find her poetry here: theyfuckjustlikeus.tumblr.com

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